It is so sad to see the news that the Church of England is heading inexorably for a major schism between the 'liberal' and the 'conservatives' over gay clergy and women bishops. It's a pity they can't emulate their fellow label-carriers in national government. In fact it is a damning indictment on the Church that a secular body is more able to compromise than one for whom love is the only reason for its being.

That being said, I am not altogether convinced that compromise is possible and, if that is the case, why waste time and stress trying to achieve it? God doesn't do compromise - you believe or you don't - agnosticism is not really a valid option. CS Lewis argued that case far more succinctly than I in 'Mere Christianity'. I am/was looking to Dr Rowan Williams as a leader, not merely a negotiator, in this instance.

I can see that he wants to keep the worldwide Anglican Communion in one piece - it's his job! But I think he has to take a position that he is convinced is right for God's people, then say that is what this group of God's people accept and believe,and if you don't like it, then you need to leave this group.

It is a fact that the Church, the Body of Christ on Earth, is divided into increasingly untenable small groups, in direct disobedience to God's word to be as one body, reliant on each other to provide different functions - an eye, a finger, a leg etc. Nowadays every itinerant preacher with a message feels the need to set up their own church or 'movement'. God wants to return to His body, but all He can see at the moment is something out of an end-of-series CSI mortuary - lots of useless bits. He's not going to return - He can't return - until His Body has been reunited into one, or we build a new one. Maybe, as we are obviously not there yet, we have to break down the Church into smaller and smaller chunks until, just when they are barbecue-sized, someone says 'this is stupid! Let's get back together and focus on the things that bind us, not the things that don't!' Then, and only then, is there a chance of experiencing the true presence of God amongst us.

I'm not sure where I stand on the issue of gay priests. Homosexuality is an aberration, of that there can be no doubt - no organism would naturally develop the means of its own demise, that's contrary to all natural law, but most gay people I've met (not many, admittedly) have been very nice people and, I'm sure, in a position of pastoral ministry, would do a terrific job. God loves everyone, even those who have made a 'different' lifestyle choice - in fact, given Jesus' ministry, it could be argued that he loves the outcast, the misfit, more than the 'mainstream'.

The priests I have heard of in the news have, it seems, all been exemplary examples of good priesthood, worthy, in any other situation, of promotion to a high level. I can't believe that God would have called these people into the priesthood without knowing them. Maybe He's testing us to see how we react. Love is always the right answer in anything to do with God. We have the question, and we know the answer - all we have to do is put in the 'working out' to get from one to the other.

I do think that the priests involved have a duty not to prosletyse about their sexuality, not because it is to be 'swept under the carpet', but because they want to be accepted as 'ordinary' and 'ordinary' heterosexual priests, generally-speaking, do not go on about their sexuality. They just be it.

The women bishops issue I find a bit confusing. If we have women clergy, and we have had that debate for good or ill, then we should accept them at every level. If you believe that women should be ordained into ministry in the same way as men, then the argument is already done and dusted.

Dr William's compromise was always doomed to fail. He was trying to have a foot on both stools which were sliding away from each other. His added pressure is driving them away from each other more quickly and he is the one who will end up falling between them, with both of them out of reach of each other and him.

My prayer is that this probable schism will be a positive opportunity for all Christians to begin to look at what binds them, not what drives them apart and, if we focus on God and His love, we will find a way to move forward together and become one Body, fit to receive our Lord.

Dear Fellow Christian

I have a problem. It’s a big problem and I have decided to share it with you, because that’s what Christians do, pass their problems on to other, usually far holier and spiritually-aware, people in the hope of a simple answer.

Anyway, my problem is this…life. That’s it, life and faith…my two problems are…no, this is turning into a Monty Python sketch. I suppose a summary of the problem is too much life and not enough faith.

Life begins at six-ish in the morning, getting up, making packed lunches, sorting out battles over the shower, taking children to sundry educational establishments then getting to work on time. No room for God there then! I sometimes have some peace, during the holidays when nobody else gets up, but I use that time, not for deep spiritual thinking, but for making myself some breakfast for a change, and perhaps the luxury of a shower as well! Sorry God, but I need this time.

Then it’s work, and I have heard the talk about being a Christian in the workplace, and praying for the people around us, but that bloke in admin is such a pain! Always on about football, and how drunk he got the other night! I do try to pray for him, but it’s usually through gritted teeth! And the lady in accounts, now I know I’m a lot older, and married but, well, you can look at the menu, even if you’re not going to eat! She is so good-looking and dresses so well and…stop it! That’s the other thing, distraction. If I do get some time to myself that coincides with feeling a bit holy, the phone always rings and bang, we’re back on the mill.

Life is too full. When I get home it’s tea, and all the conscience-searching about whether I’m eating ‘ethically’ or ‘healthily’, the battle of the homework, helping them do it even though you shouldn’t but you want them to achieve more than you did, the News on TV – what would Jesus do or say about that? Then it’s bed. Now all the books, right back to Christopher Robin, say this is when we should say our prayers, and people at church often talk about their bible reading notes and the huge revelations they get from reading them. I do try, sometimes, but there are so many thoughts rattling around my head – family, work, bills, the noise the car was making on the way home – that sleep comes as a blessed relief.

And bible study, what’s that all about? I know that God inspired the writers, but he also inspired CS Lewis and St Francis of Assisi – He sent one of the Seraphim to him, which puts him above most people other than Jesus and Isaiah! So why spend precious time reading something that was written for a peasant peoples in the Middle East over 2000 years ago. There are times when it should be studied, and bed-time is not it! Actually I’m really struggling with the Bible. Most of it is completely irrelevant to our understanding of God – it’s all about the activities of the Jews. Okay, they were His chosen people, but they’re not anymore. If I understand things right, we all are. The Jews were the vehicle for bringing the world into a close loving relationship with God, then they were the people who were the home for the Messiah when it became necessary to send Him. And they killed Him thereby denying themselves any right to be called Special and condemning them to a life of paranoia and conflict. But most of the Old Testament is just their history, and there’s a limit on what we can learn from that, anymore than there is from the First World War or Gibbons’ ‘Decline and Fall…’.

Journalling

I read a blog http://weekendretreat.wordpress.com/ that introduced me to the idea of journaling (not sure if it's one or two 'L's though!)It is a way of putting down spiritual thoughts and ideas as a way of sorting things out and seeing God at work in your life, or keeping you in touch with Him when He seems to be a long way away.

I've never had a great faith - I've never experienced the great highs and lows that many people take to be the badge of Christianity. I am certainly nowhere near good enough to be classified among the saints! I suppose that once I made a decision to search for God, I was just 'comfortable' with Him.

I first came into contact with the spiritual realm in my mid-teens. My father was an intellectual atheist, who had written essays disproving God's existence on very logical grounds, so I had received no religious education other than what I got at school or Scouts. As a result I knew it was all rubbish!

I was in town one evening on a Scout-related activity, with a couple of friends when we came across a new coffee shop. We didn't hang around town very much, but this was definitely new. It appealed because it looked a bit run-down and, frankly, seedy! We poked our noses around the open door and were immediately welcomed in. It was seedy - small folding tables, similar to those we used at camp, adn ancient folding chairs. The lighting was quite subdued and the walls were covered with very average copies of 'Peanuts' cartoons. There was a bar opposite a small stage area with a couple of blokes singing to acoustic guitars. Live music! That was quite cool so we ventured a bit further in and stood a bit sheepishly taking it all in. Whatever it was, this was different to anywhere we normally hung out - the Wimpy or a pub, if we could get away with it. I saw a few 'Jesus is Love' slogans around the walls, so I was on my guard!

Suddenly the one thing that any hormonal teenage boy will respond to happened. We were spoken to by a beautiful girl! well, she was obviously older than us (she was about 19-20)but had long blonde hair and a lovely welcoming smile. She invited us to come and sit down, by which time we were powerless to refuse! She got us both a coffee - free! and we sat there listening to the singers.

When the act had finished, and they had a real LP for sale - they were real professional musicians! I was to find out that they were quite big names at the time (Malcolm & Alwyn), but I was impressed anyway.

There weren't too many people in there - a few tables were occupied by small groups - and we were largely left alone. I watched the people behind the bar - they were happy, smiling and enjoying what they were doing. Most of them were young, but there were one or two 'adults' there as well. I felt safe and comfortable there. There was no pressure to perform, or be something I wasn't. I had spent most of my life feeling like an outsider, different in some indefinable way from those around me. I never had many friends but that wasn't a problem, indeed it never has been, I enjoyed spending time on my own, often to the chagrin and distress of my parents! But in the One Way Inn (forget the Christian connotation - there were two entrances - the humour appealed to me) I felt that all that didn't matter.

My mate, John, went a few more times with me, but he was harder in his unbelief and stopped going quite quickly. I was fortunate that my parents were tolerant of me and I started going there quite regularly, and began to get to know the 'staff'. They told me that they had the building on a six-month lease, before it was converted into an estate agents, and they, as the youth group attached to the Parish Church, had decided to set up the coffee bar because they felt that there wasn't much for young people to do in Tonbridge.

I had started going there very shortly after it had opened, so by the end I was feeling like one of the 'team'. Although the musicians were all Christian, and sometimes there were talks by people - testimonies etc - no-one had challenged me about Jesus. He was just part of their lives and the ethos of the place.

There were a few scary moments when trouble loomed. The bar was just up the road from a fairly notorious Saturday night disco and on a few occasions lads from there would come in with a view to disrupting the place, but they were always met with smiles and invitations to take a seat, which usually led to their hasty exit. Having spent a good deal of time hanging around with a small 'gang' of Teddy Boys - mainly for the clothes and the music, (we never got into fights) - I recognised the main trouble-makers, skinheads to a man, and kept well out of the way during these incursions.

I was constantly impressed by the way they were met and it was the last of these that finally made me realise that there was something in this 'Jesus stuff'. One evening, towards the end of the tenure, I was in the Inn when another skinhead gang burst in. At the head of them was one of the most notorious hard-men in the town, well known to the Police and avoided by everyone. He led the way in and was obviusly looking for trouble - it's all he knew - but the Youth Group leader, John Lawrence, stepped forward to greet them with a smile. I can't remember the details, but the skinhead was shouting abuse and blasphemy at John, who stood his ground and asked them to either settle down or leave. The skinhead was losing his temper and I knew that wasn't good. He picked up one of the folding chairs and smashed it over John, who went down, his head bleeding. I was terrified but John looked up and said, quite calmly 'Jesus still loves you, you know, and I forgive you' (or words to that effect).

The yobs all turned and fled, the jeering only started when they were well away from the door, but as Rose and the others were tending to John, I began to realise that what he had done was not 'normal'. He should have legged it, or called the Police, not forgiven him. Maybe this Jesus had something going for Him! It was after that that I was invited to go along to the Youth Group meetings on Sunday nights.

God had me in His clutches and over the next years I tried desperately to get away! More to follow!

Papal authority and the church

I have just read a superb article on Times Online by Andrew Sullivan regarding the involvement of the Pope in the various paedophile scandals in the Catholic Church. It seems, from this and other things I have read, that he does have a definite specific involvement.

I am inclined to agree that he has lost his personal moral authority over this issue, and that demands that the Church looks at the reasons why this is happening in so many places over so many years. This does seem to be a problem that is endemic in the Catholic Church as it is currently structured. I suppose that there are paedophile priests in most of the other denominations, just as there are paedophile teachers, policemen and probably dustbin men, but the Catholic Church appears to have a particular issue with it.

I am firmly convinced that the first step is for the Pope to remove the need for compulsory celibacy in the priesthood. There is no spiritual or biblical justification for it, the acceptance of married former Anglican priests recently has demonstrated that. The events that are being exposed demonstrate what a powerful force sexual expression is. I suggest that none of these priests were 'natural' paedophiles in their youth and, had they followed a different calling, they would have led normal, sexually fulfilled, lives.

The requirement to suppress the one major natural expression of our humanity; that which God created as an expression of the relationships within the Godhead, was bound to cause corruption. It is akin to making a rule forbidding the eating of any food with more than 20 calories in it! Yes, you will survive, but you will be deprived of the true fulfilment of a good roast dinner, or banoffee pie, or even a MacDonalds Happy Meal! And you will be a lesser person because of that, deprived of a sense of balance between rich and poor foods. The temptation to sneak bars of chocolate will become overwhelming. And once you've discovered the guilty pleasure, the temptation will continue and grow until chocolate is all you can taste, and you are blind to the beauty of a simple bowl of soup.

There will always be those who are called to a celibate life. It is a good and Holy estate, with opportunity for unceasing devotion to a life of prayer and good works. But in my experience it is particular people who are called to that life, often for particular reasons. The vast, vast majority of humanity, and that includes Catholic clergy, are called to share our love with a specific person, and to create new life in reflection of the creative power of God the Holy Spirit.

I would plead with His Holiness, as a first step to the Church divesting itself of all earthly power and wealth, that it releases its own clergy from the yoke of celibacy.

The other beginning

I reently read a really good article as part of the evolution/creation debate. It was by Eddie Snipes of the Exchanged Life Outreach and it has modified my view slightly, which is always a good thing, I think. I have always felt that the debate was slightly confused, a debate between apples and oranges, to quote an old maths teacher!

The scientists, who are usually classified as the 'evolution' lobby have been discussing the how. How did we become the dominant species, how did the dinosaurs die out, how did we evolve from apes, if indeed we did (we didn't!)

The religious, primarily the Christian church, have been discussing the why. Why did God create what He has created, why are we here,and why do we think digital watches are such a good idea? (sorry, slipped into Douglas Adams worship again!)

What this article gave me is an appreciation of the differences, and necessary conflict, between Evolution and Natural Selection. I had always thought of one as a means of the other. Eddie makes a very reasonable point that Natural Selection is actually oppsed to, and prevents, evolution

In the Beginning

Hello everyone!

my name is nick and I've just decided to start this blog up. It is partly because I was interested to see just what a blog is and can be, and also because I often feel that I want to have my say about something. I comment on news stories and occasionally write to the papers or my MP, but there are often time when I just want to tell someone how I feel!

I did think, for a while, that this was a very selfish thing to do, but given the almost infinite amount of space on the internet, I don't think anyone will mind too much - I'm not stopping anyone important from having their say.

I suppose I should define where I'm coming from, my basic parameters that form the basis of my thinking. I am a practicing Christian (one day I'll crack it!), a father of teenagers (hence the need to have MY voice heard over the cacophony!), white, middle-aged and middle-class, left-of-centre politically. The textbook nobody that blogging seems to have been developed for!

That's probably enough for now, but I'm sure I will share other aspects of my life as time goes on. If you have read this, thank you and tell your friends - a new phenomena has arrived!!

nix